137 More Oil Wells Liberated For Democracy

JBCM2@aol.com JBCM2 at aol.com
Wed, 16 Apr 2003 09:34:48 EDT


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(From the Onion -- http://www.theonion.com/onion3913/oil_wells_liberated.htm=
l=20
)

=20
RUMAILAH OIL FIELDS, IRAQ=E2=80=94The U.S. continued to make progress in its=
 fight=20
against totalitarianism Tuesday, when 137 more oil wells were liberated for=20
democracy.     =20
Above: The U.S. flag flies high atop a newly liberated oil well.   =20
"For decades, these oil wells have suffered untold misery under Saddam=20
Hussein's tyrannical rule," said U.S. Commander General Tommy Franks,=20
speaking from southern Iraq's Rumailah oil fields, the site of the=20
liberation. "With this victory, these long-oppressed wells will soon pump=20
their first barrels of crude as free and equal wells in the global petroleum=
=20
marketplace. They will join the ranks of the world's liberated oil wells,=20
enjoying the same rights as their democratic brethren around the globe."The=20
Rumailah wells are the latest of nearly 900 to be freed from the yoke of=20
oppression by coalition forces. As U.S. troops continue to advance deeper=20
into Iraq=E2=80=94armed with constant standing orders to "Secure the oil wel=
ls;=20
repeat, secure the oil wells"=E2=80=94an estimated 1,500 more wells are expe=
cted to=20
be liberated in the coming weeks.For months, U.S. officials have gone to=20
great lengths to assure the public, both in America and abroad, that the Ira=
q=20
invasion is not motivated by oil interests=E2=80=94a sentiment echoed by Def=
ense=20
Secretary Donald Rumsfeld during a press conference Monday."This war is not=20
about oil," Rumsfeld said. "Our decision to intercede against this dictator=20
and not against the dozens of other ruthless dictators in the world is not=20
about oil. France and Russia's opposition to this war is not about the purel=
y=20
coincidental fact that both countries have lucrative, pre-existing oil=20
contracts with Iraq. Furthermore, the interest of many U.S. corporations in=20
the war has nothing to do with oil, either. This war is about liberty. Oil=20
wells deserve liberty, too."Continued Rumsfeld: "These oppressed Iraqi oil=20
wells deserve the right to pump oil as freely as any other oil well on God's=
=20
Earth=E2=80=94be it in Saudi Arabia, Nigeria, or an Alaskan wildlife refuge.=
 It is=20
crass and cynical to view this operation as being motivated by greed, profit=
,=20
or the second-largest oil reserves in the Middle East. This war is motivated=
=20
by one thing: democracy. Our military action is meant to provide all of=20
Iraq's oil wells=E2=80=94be they big or small, staggeringly lucrative or mer=
ely very=20
lucrative=E2=80=94with their God-given right to pump under a democratic syst=
em of=20
self-governance."In the weeks leading up to the war, the U.S. sought to make=
=20
its intentions clear by air-dropping hundreds of thousands of pamphlets over=
=20
Iraq assuring its people that the U.S. was not launching a war against them,=
=20
but against Saddam Hussein. The pamphlets also gave Iraqi soldiers=20
instructions on how to surrender properly, as well as a promise that they=20
would be treated well if they did so. Most importantly, though, they include=
d=20
a stern admonition to all Iraqis not to burn any oil wells, warning that the=
y=20
would be hunted down and prosecuted as war criminals if they did.U.S.=20
officials hope that the pamphlets' message, especially the part about the oi=
l=20
wells, gets through."These valuable natural resources belong to the Iraqi=20
people, who rely on their output for desperately needed food and medicine=20
under the U.N.'s Oil-For-Food Program," Franks said. "But ultimately, we nee=
d=20
to remember that these oil wells do not really belong to anybody. They, like=
=20
any other free oil well, have the basic, inalienable right to independent=20
representational government and self-determination under their own rule.=20
Every oil well deserves to choose how and when it wishes to produce oil, and=
=20
for whose economic benefit."Aiding the wells in their transition to democrac=
y=20
will be Texaco, Mobil, and other U.S. businesses, each of which bring years=20
of expertise in dealing with the problems and challenges that oil wells face=
=20
in a free society. These private companies will be well-equipped to help=20
manage the oil wells as they make the difficult adjustment to producing oil=20
in freedom.Despite the apparent inevitability of victory in Iraq, White Hous=
e=20
sources stress that the battle for oil-well liberty is far from over."We mus=
t=20
remember that there are many, many oil wells living under oppression all=20
across the world, not just in Iraq," White House press secretary Ari=20
Fleischer said. "Until every oil well enjoys the fruits of democracy, no oil=
=20
well is truly free."   =20



=20


They hang the man and flog the woman
That steal the goose from off the common,
But let the greater villain loose
That steals the common from the goose.=20

Constant apprehension of war has the same tendency
to render the head too large for the body.  A standing military=20
force with an overgrown executive will not long be safe.=20
companions to liberty.  -- Thomas Jefferson


"America is a quarter of a billion people totally misinformed and disinforme=
d=20
by their government. This is tragic but our media is -- I wouldn't even say=20
corrupt -- it's just beyond telling us anything that the government doesn't=20
want us to know."=20

Gore Vidal



   =20


























=20

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<HTML><FONT FACE=3Darial,helvetica><FONT  SIZE=3D2 FAMILY=3D"SANSSERIF" FACE=
=3D"Arial" LANG=3D"0">(From the Onion -- http://www.theonion.com/onion3913/o=
il_wells_liberated.html )<BR>
<BR>
</FONT><FONT  COLOR=3D"#000000" style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff" SIZE=3D2=
 FAMILY=3D"SERIF" FACE=3D"Times New Roman" LANG=3D"0"><IMG  SRC=3D"http://gr=
aphics.theonion.com/pics_3913/head_oil_wells_liberated.gif" WIDTH=3D"465" HE=
IGHT=3D"105" BORDER=3D"0"> <BR>
RUMAILAH OIL FIELDS, IRAQ=E2=80=94The U.S. continued to make progress in its=
 fight against totalitarianism Tuesday, when 137 more oil wells were liberat=
ed for democracy.<IMG  SRC=3D"http://graphics.theonion.com/onion_global/blan=
k.gif" WIDTH=3D"10" HEIGHT=3D"1" BORDER=3D"0">  <IMG  SRC=3D"http://graphics=
.theonion.com/pics_3913/oil_wells_liberated.jpg" WIDTH=3D"350" HEIGHT=3D"249=
" BORDER=3D"0">    <BR>
Above: The U.S. flag flies high atop a newly liberated oil well.    <BR>
"For decades, these oil wells have suffered untold misery under Saddam Husse=
in's tyrannical rule," said U.S. Commander General Tommy Franks, speaking fr=
om southern Iraq's Rumailah oil fields, the site of the liberation. "With th=
is victory, these long-oppressed wells will soon pump their first barrels of=
 crude as free and equal wells in the global petroleum marketplace. They wil=
l join the ranks of the world's liberated oil wells, enjoying the same right=
s as their democratic brethren around the globe."The Rumailah wells are the=20=
latest of nearly 900 to be freed from the yoke of oppression by coalition fo=
rces. As U.S. troops continue to advance deeper into Iraq=E2=80=94armed with=
 constant standing orders to "Secure the oil wells; repeat, secure the oil w=
ells"=E2=80=94an estimated 1,500 more wells are expected to be liberated in=20=
the coming weeks.For months, U.S. officials have gone to great lengths to as=
sure the public, both in America and abroad, that the Iraq invasion is not m=
otivated by oil interests=E2=80=94a sentiment echoed by Defense Secretary Do=
nald Rumsfeld during a press conference Monday."This war is not about oil,"=20=
Rumsfeld said. "Our decision to intercede against this dictator and not agai=
nst the dozens of other ruthless dictators in the world is not about oil. Fr=
ance and Russia's opposition to this war is not about the purely coincidenta=
l fact that both countries have lucrative, pre-existing oil contracts with I=
raq. Furthermore, the interest of many U.S. corporations in the war has noth=
ing to do with oil, either. This war is about liberty. Oil wells deserve lib=
erty, too."Continued Rumsfeld: "These oppressed Iraqi oil wells deserve the=20=
right to pump oil as freely as any other oil well on God's Earth=E2=80=94be=20=
it in Saudi Arabia, Nigeria, or an Alaskan wildlife refuge. It is crass and=20=
cynical to view this operation as being motivated by greed, profit, or the s=
econd-largest oil reserves in the Middle East. This war is motivated by one=20=
thing: democracy. Our military action is meant to provide all of Iraq's oil=20=
wells=E2=80=94be they big or small, staggeringly lucrative or merely very lu=
crative=E2=80=94with their God-given right to pump under a democratic system=
 of self-governance."In the weeks leading up to the war, the U.S. sought to=20=
make its intentions clear by air-dropping hundreds of thousands of pamphlets=
 over Iraq assuring its people that the U.S. was not launching a war against=
 them, but against Saddam Hussein. The pamphlets also gave Iraqi soldiers in=
structions on how to surrender properly, as well as a promise that they woul=
d be treated well if they did so. Most importantly, though, they included a=20=
stern admonition to all Iraqis not to burn any oil wells, warning that they=20=
would be hunted down and prosecuted as war criminals if they did.U.S. offici=
als hope that the pamphlets' message, especially the part about the oil well=
s, gets through."These valuable natural resources belong to the Iraqi people=
, who rely on their output for desperately needed food and medicine under th=
e U.N.'s Oil-For-Food Program," Franks said. "But ultimately, we need to rem=
ember that these oil wells do not really belong to anybody. They, like any o=
ther free oil well, have the basic, inalienable right to independent represe=
ntational government and self-determination under their own rule. Every oil=20=
well deserves to choose how and when it wishes to produce oil, and for whose=
 economic benefit."Aiding the wells in their transition to democracy will be=
 Texaco, Mobil, and other U.S. businesses, each of which bring years of expe=
rtise in dealing with the problems and challenges that oil wells face in a f=
ree society. These private companies will be well-equipped to help manage th=
e oil wells as they make the difficult adjustment to producing oil in freedo=
m.Despite the apparent inevitability of victory in Iraq, White House sources=
 stress that the battle for oil-well liberty is far from over."We must remem=
ber that there are many, many oil wells living under oppression all across t=
he world, not just in Iraq," White House press secretary Ari Fleischer said.=
 "Until every oil well enjoys the fruits of democracy, no oil well is truly=20=
free."    <BR>
<BR>
</FONT><FONT  COLOR=3D"#000000" style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff" SIZE=3D2=
 FAMILY=3D"SERIF" FACE=3D"Times New Roman" LANG=3D"0"><BR>
<BR>
</FONT><FONT  COLOR=3D"#000000" style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff" SIZE=3D2=
 FAMILY=3D"SANSSERIF" FACE=3D"Arial" LANG=3D"0"> <BR>
</FONT><FONT  COLOR=3D"#000000" style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff" SIZE=3D3=
 FAMILY=3D"SERIF" FACE=3D"times new roman" LANG=3D"0"><I><BR>
<BR>
They hang the man and flog the woman<BR>
That steal the goose from off the common,<BR>
But let the greater villain loose<BR>
That steals the common from the goose. <BR>
</FONT><FONT  COLOR=3D"#000000" style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff" SIZE=3D2=
 FAMILY=3D"SERIF" FACE=3D"times new roman" LANG=3D"0"><BR>
Constant apprehension of war has the same tendency<BR>
to render the head too large for the body.&nbsp; A standing military <BR>
force with an overgrown executive will not long be safe. <BR>
companions to liberty.&nbsp; -- Thomas Jefferson<BR>
</FONT><FONT  COLOR=3D"#000000" style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff" SIZE=3D3=
 FAMILY=3D"SERIF" FACE=3D"times new roman" LANG=3D"0"><BR>
<BR>
</FONT><FONT  COLOR=3D"#000000" style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff" SIZE=3D2=
 FAMILY=3D"SANSSERIF" FACE=3D"Arial" LANG=3D"0"></I>"America is a quarter of=
 a billion people totally misinformed and disinformed by their government. T=
his is tragic but our media is -- I wouldn't even say corrupt -- it's just b=
eyond telling us anything that the government doesn't want us to know." <BR>
<BR>
Gore Vidal<BR>
<BR>
</FONT><FONT  COLOR=3D"#000000" style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff" SIZE=3D3=
 FAMILY=3D"SERIF" FACE=3D"times new roman" LANG=3D"0"><I><BR>
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